And...

And so it wasn't you,
So it was someone else,
Apologies from me I begged,
For I mistook devil for an angel.

That friend was no friend,
She seemed to be an enemy,
Awaiting for something sweet,
A revenge maybe or maybe a victim.

And so I became her prey,
And you became a game to play,
I had believed that evil more than you,
I had been influenced to play the devil's role.

Now I know,
Who she really is,
A friend indeed she was,
But an enemy now she define.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Ruined

My art distorted,
You splashed acid,
My paints got ruined,
Special thanks to you!

A new plain paper,
I took to paint again,
You snatched it away,
And tore it to small pieces.

The blame on me,
Said I am not good,
Said my art is rubbish,
Called me a lying monster.

I took the blame,
With a smile on my face,
I took a new paper again,
To do what I've been doing.

And now I am alone,
Back to where I started,
So what's the big deal now?
I just have to start all over.

I am used to it,
I can surely do it,
I have survived the worst,
And this is what I call the best.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Thank You

It was nice,
Everything,
Was so pretty.

Thank you,
Dear friends,
You made my day.

I love you,
Couldn't do,
Enough to repay.

Thank you,
For being you,
Being my friend.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Angry

Heard you called,
I simply snapped,
Frowned at the words,
Cursed at your concerns.

I was fine before,
I chatted with Mr Fix,
But you came try to be him,
And you knew you can never be.

I know the genuinity,
Yet I just am annoyed,
I dunno why I am edgy,
It has got to do with you.

The way you try,
Makes my hair stand,
It freaks my daylight out,
I wish I could run far away.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Anger kills

My heart pumps,
In anger it beats,
With no intention,
It burst out its revenge.

My mind was in turmoil,
I was invinsible to that one,
Didn't know I'd react this way,
It was not the way I want it to be.

I shivered in anger,
My soul burn in pleasure,
I muttered a torturing curse,
My heart beats to kill that one.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Catch me

Will you,
Catch me?
But I doubt,
Still, will you?

I hate to know,
I don't need to know,
Don't tell me answers,
Forget all my questions.

Shut your ears,
Close your eyes,
Don't speak a word,
I'll stay a mile away.

I'd fall,
I just knew,
Hard ground awaits,
No one will catch me.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Lost within my body

I took a deep breath,
Tried to recap old memories,
I yearned for my treasured friends,
Killed myself trying to go back in time.

My heart beats,
So hard it starts to hurt,
My soul had left with no say,
The remains of reasons are left buried.

Nobody knows,
What I've been through,
There is no use if they do,
For nobody but me can redo.

Tried so hard,
But defeat greeted me,
It was clear that you gained,
The things you deserve; VICTORY.

You've won,
I'd declared that,
I am left with nothing,
But despair within my veins.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Unsure

Within my soul,
I tried to defend,
The force so strong,
I've to admit my lost.

I am unaware,
Of the things I've done,
Of the outcomes I've caused,
For I am blinded by this guilt.

My defeat was clear,
Not by tears of sorrow,
But by the shivers of anger,
Of this little heartless creature.

This creature that dwells,
Within my scattered dreams,
This creature that had captured,
The different side of my own beliefs.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

I miss you

It has been 4 months and 23days now,
I still think of you, in every breath I take,
I still misses you, when I am all alone,
I thought I had moved on, but I was wrong.

I still need you by my side,
I know every detail of you,
And you know me so very well,
And I wished you were here to fix me.

Only you would know what to do,
You would know how to make me smile,
You know how to mend my broken heart,
Only you know the words and ways to myself.

I still yearn for your return,
I still dream of your warm hug,
I still do remember the way we used to,
I have to say, I can't seem to live without you.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Please....

Put a smile,
On my face,
Give it awhile,
For it to embrace.

Dry the tears,
On my cheeks,
Hold me near,
Add a few pecks.

Clear the doubts,
Within my soul,
Get into my thoughts,
But don't be too bold.

I am no longer agile,
I can't do those stunts,
My heart became fragile,
I just can't handle those runts.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Inter-section

I came across another junction,
Another traffic light to obey,
I need to rush off yet I had to stop,
Another obligation I had to pay.

It was hard to make a choice,
Yet the decision I have to make,
It was even harder to forget the love,
Yet I had to let go to receive.

In this inter-section,
I found you and another,
At this very moment,
My heart raced not for one but two.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Someday

Someday,
The questions,
Will have answers,
In your own thoughts,
They'll voice all out.

Someday,
You'll know,
Why I left,
Abruptly,
Just like that.

Someday,
You'd realise,
I have reasons,
A little and somewhat,
More than enough.

Someday,
Your sadness,
Will be your joy,
In your own words,
They'll surface.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Naifa Junaidah

She was afraid to indulge,
Unknowingly she fell into it,
It's hard to break free now,
She has to prepare to commit.

Her path met his,
At a junction she did not foresee,
It was an accident she thought,
Yet she has felt the distinct pain.

She felt a pain that not hurt,
But heals as love seeps in,
Unknowingly love for him grows,
Not caring if she'd fall again.

His hand slips into hers,
That moment her heart race,
Her soul felt some kind of freedom,
She for once felt happy with someone.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

It's just a dream

An image of a man,
I saw standing in the dark,
A stench of perfume,
I smell and got flashbacks.

A flashback of times,
When I cry to sleep,
Beaten to my bones,
With bruises that bleeds.

An image of a man,
So Cursed and lonely,
Unhuman on this land,
He had it all and lost it finally.

A man who kills his love,
Will have his love killed,
And never will get the love,
He once have to be relived.

An image of such man,
Do not deserve any love,
He should be left with the mad,
Burning and suffer without any at all.

Should you see him,
Don't even bother,
Avoid his eyes,
It can kill you.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

It was here

I sat by the corner,
Watching the busy street,
The many faces I still remember,
Oh how they used to wave and greet.

They don't no more,
I guess they are too busy,
They don't even smile anymore,
They always think others got it easy.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Kasihku Buatmu

Selagi hayat ku ada,
Selagi itu cintaku membutik,
Buat mu kekasih jika ku tiada,
Jangan lah kau membekukan detik.

Teruskan lah hidupmu,
Seperti di kala ku tiada,
Hidupkan la kembali senyum mu,
Aku ingin melihat kau bahagia.

Jangan lah engkau bersedih,
Jika aku berlalu pergi sebelum mu,
Ku tidak tahan melihat hatimu pedih,
Rasanya seperti rohku diracuni melulu.

-Sebuah catatan oleh Junaidah

The girl

She was sitting all alone,
Just she and her lunchbox,
No one dared to be close to her,
For the curse she has brought.

The curse of a witch,
Horribly casted on her,
For the sin her parents did,
She was left alone without reason.

I tried to befriend her,
Yet she kept me away,
Afraid of the jinx she may pass,
I dry her tears and hugged her tight.

I couldn't bear to see,
Her sufferings she don't deserve,
The pain I could feel deep inside,
The scar so painfully ugly hurts too much.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Lost

Yet again,
I've lost myself,
Someone took her,
So far away silently.

Everything,
It seemed to fall apart,
So hard to pick it up,
It hurts to see it breaks.

Yet again,
I'm broken and hurt,
Once again I'm alone,
To do this piece again.

Everything,
It seemed to backfire,
So hard to defend,
It hurts to get critics.

Yet again,
I'm cursed,
To the bones,
To my heart.

Everything,
It seemed so hurtful,
I can't bear any longer,
I can't stand it no more.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Searching...

I've searched,
Yet still unfound,
It's right here,
Somewhere hiding.

In midst of my searching,
I forgot what I'm looking for,
Is it the wealth of happiness,
Or is it the happiness in wealth?

My thoughts played with my mind,
In the midst of this process,
I thought I found it alas,
But my mind went blank.

I forgot again,
Memory lost,
Files deleted,
Brain crashed.

I question myself again,
What am I looking for,
The love of my life,
Or my life with love?

Connection failed,
I tried refreshing it,
But it stubbornly refuse,
Leaving me irritated.

I stood up,
Walked away,
Another failed search,
Looked for a new spot.

Back to where I start,
I am searching still,
For something undefined,
For something already mine.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Bad Habit

I inhaled,
A long drag,
And blow it out,
All white foggy mist.

Can do without,
But chose not to,
With no apparent reason,
I became addicted.

Can stop,
Yet not close,
Tried but never,
It feels me up.

Contented,
Yet guilty,
I inhaled another,
And blow it all out.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Sacrified

You call me a friend,
Yet you never honour me,
I've pawned my life to fend,
Yet you simply walked away.

Is that a way,
You repay me,
By leaving me stray?
You've just betrayed me.

Time never heals,
The sacrifies I did,
Left to be forgotten,
Is that what I deserve?

I may forgive,
But how can I?
My life at stake,
And you laughed.

It hurts me,
To have you,
Calling me a friend,
Sacrificing like a slave.

You made me bleed,
And you simply turned away,
Which part of my sacrifices,
Is a sin that I've done to you?

A friend you are,
An enemy you define,
I am dying,
And made you smile.

What more do you want,
I've given all,
Just to have you asking more,
What a friend you are.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Memories

Memories,
They stayed,
To keep the smile,
Or to haunt all night.
I wanted it to leave,
But it keeps coming,
Today's yesterdays,
Yesterday last year,
It seemed so long,
Yet so fresh today,
I want less,
Yearn for more.

Memories,
It keeps growing,
New never kills the old,
The wound never heals,
The scar scare me,
It keeps bleeding,
Time and again,
The new relives the old,
New wound come to stay,
It pains me to heal,
For there's no end.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Slave

I am,
If you say,
I will be,
If you want.

Rest,
If you allow,
At standby,
If you need.

Your command,
Is my duty,
Your wish,
Is my honour to keep.

My heart,
Is yours to keep,
My soul,
Is in your hands.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Love it is

It's true,
It's magical,
It's making me a fool,
It makes noise so musical.

It makes no sense,
It makes me perfect,
It makes me dance,
It makes me lose track.

Strange this is,
But a fact it states,
I'm in love that is,
A fact with no defects.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Always

Everytime,
I look at you,
Deep in your eyes,
They looked perfect,
They even spoke to me,
The words never spoken of,
I miss you more,
With every passing second,
With every air I breathe in,
I love you more,
With every touch,
With every soft kiss,
Still have the butterflies,
Flying in my stomach,
Everytime I see your smile,
My heart skipped a beat.
Do you feel what I feel,
Can you feel the love I feel,
Will you give me the love i give,
With no beginning nor ending?

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Kosong

Sinaran mu pudar kini,
Siangmu bergantian malam,
Malam mu kegelapan,
Tanpa kelipan bintang.

Sendirian kini diriku,
Tanpamu disisiku,
Hanya sekadar ingatan,
Secebis memori kita.

Datanglah kembali,
Selamilah jiwaku ini,
Rindu ku pada mu,
Bak pungguk rindukan bulan.

Senyuman ku hiasi wajah,
Namun hati ku retak seribu,
Tawa menemani nyawa,
Namun tiada ertinya bagi ku.

-Sebuah catatan oleh Junaidah

Home

I'm longing to be home,
Where my heart once belong,
It's been a long journey,
My heart raced through.

At the sight of you,
My heart skipped a beat,
It felt warm,
In her home.

She felt at lost,
Something amiss,
She is looking for him,
For a place to call home.

In her body,
She beats,
For his soul,
She searched.

Found,
Not far,
Nor close,
I'm at lost.

I need you,
But never knew,
My heart pursue,
To beat in yours.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Love

Love me,
Else leave,
Don't stay,
Just to go away.

It's been hell,
Waiting for you,
Make it worth,
Now that I've waited.

My heart is fragile,
You can have it all,
Just don't drop it,
It'll break to pieces.

My broken heart,
Is hard to mend,
It takes forever,
To make it new.

But once it's loved,
It beats with no end,
It's starting to race,
At your very touch.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Child is Mine

In my dreams,
A child appears,
His charming smiles,
It touched my heart.

I felt a connection,
With this child,
He looks familiar,
Like someone so near.

His glowing eyes,
Looking into mine,
I could only smile,
Admiring his charm.

In my dreams,
He came running,
Hugging me so tight,
I never want to let go.

I felt complete,
With him so close,
I looked at his face,
I whispered my love.

He snuggled,
To his comfort,
Coiled into a foetus,
His identity only I know.

In my dreams,
He's always there,
Our secret relationship,
Build only in our dreams.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Freedom

As night reveal itself,
My mind starts to wonder,
Pondering upon life in myself,
Thoughts after thoughts I gather.

The day starts to prepare,
The sun is ready to outshine,
And here I stood still very bare,
Smiling so wide in my own paradise.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Yesterday

Yesterday,
Full of laughs,
Today,
It disappears.

Tomorrow,
Is unknown,
Like today,
It'll reveal.

Slowly,
Torturing,
Killing,
Softly.

Yesterday,
I saw your face,
With smiles,
But not today.

Missing you,
Thinking of you,
Imagining you,
But see you not.

I yearn for more,
More of yesterdays,
Not tomorrow no more,
As today is already history.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Pillow Fight

It is a routine,
Wait for a break,
To start the fight,
To grab and throw.

We fight,
A big smile,
With a laugh,
Lots of teasing.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Torn

I felt the hand,
It snatched my heart,
I felt the sharp shiny knife,
It pierced through ever so deep.

I can feel my heart,
It still beats so alive,
I can feel my blood flowing,
It's splurting out like waterspray.

This so obvious,
Yet noone sees it,
Only I can feel its pain,
Only I can see its darkness.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My tears

Tears kept flowing,
Why? I have no idea,
It was way too tiring,
For my mind my body.

Fingers pointing,
At me they blame,
Voices of them critisizing,
At me they sounded so lame.

Yet I can't stop them,
I get hurt with all these,
I have feelings too damn!
My heart broken into pieces!

I pressed my hands,
Against my ears so hard,
Refusal to hear a word of no sense,
I sat by the corner ending up so confused.

I closed my eyes tight,
So hard it made me blind,
Refusal to see the leading light,
I lost my way and also my mind.

My tears,
It meant nothing,
My fear all these years,
It was for the void of everything.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Dear You

I feel like crying today,
For tonight you're away,
I feel like dying tomorrow,
For it is another day of sorrow.

I feel so lonely today,
For you're so far away,
I will feel so empty later,
For you are all that matter.

Without you I got lost,
To get you I pay all cost,
Without you I can't smile,
To be near I'd walk the mile.

With you I found my way,
Everything else seemed okay,
With you my world; my life is fine,
Alas, I can declare yourself as mine.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Lost Item

For years,
You been with me,
For years,
I never lost you.

Yet today,
I forgot you,
Yet today,
I no longer have you.

For years,
You are safe in my hands,
Yet today,
Because of these hands You left.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Planned

Night came like normal,
The sun set as per schedule,
Nothing was out of ordinary,
Yet it embarks a date so special.

The skies turn dark,
The stars disappears,
Tunder after lightning,
Cold winds start blowing.

An incoming call,
I've been waiting for,
So precise at this time,
With a meaning so great.

The smile on your face,
Tears of joy from my eyes,
The sigh of relief from you,
Great happiness felt together.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Lingers

Your scent,
It lingers on,
When I sense it,
I feel you so near.

Your touch,
It lingers on,
No matter how far,
I can feel you against me.

Your smile,
It lingers on,
When I'm sad and down,
It duplicates itself on my face.

Your concern,
It lingers more,
When I feel all alone,
It comes to chase them away.

Your love,
It lingers not,
For it keeps growing,
Deeper and deeper inside me.

Our love,
It stays alive,
This love so strong,
It extincts when it dies.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Killer thoughts

Thoughts after thoughts,
They zoomed by my mind,
Have been thinking for eons,
These thoughts never for mine.

These thoughts for you,
They make my heart beat,
Made my love grow for you,
In every way in every single beat.

I wish my life was simpler,
These thoughts made it harder,
It makes me think so much deeper,
I wish us to last for there are no other.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Back as One

I knew you'd be there,
I knew you'd call my name,
You know I'd always need you,
Deep inside our heart beat as one.

I've been looking for you,
I never did once give up,
You waited for my return,
From day to night you prayed.

I came back now,
Safe in your arms,
My heart has found home,
I hear your heart beat alive.

Time is never enough,
Eternity it will last,
We found each other,
Never to lose it one time more.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Proof to be proven

I was left,
Stranded in tears,
All alone in this world,
Never to hear from you.

I tried calling you,
I yearn for that voice,
I tried to get any chance,
Just to meet you once more.

Failed attempts,
One after another,
Greeted me with pain,
So hard for me to endure.

I found someone new,
He was marvellously great,
Deep inside I still yearn for you,
Just the deepest instinct of emotions.

I knew we would meet,
Someday sometime someplace,
Indeed we did but with no words,
Just the look so full of fear to lose.

I found you again,
Indeed I did search,
It hadn't failed me yet,
At least I've done my part.

I believe in fate,
For it brought us,
To meet and be together,
More than I ever thought.

I had loved you,
And I always had,
If only I knew you do,
I'd have done so much more.

I had you in mind,
The moment you left,
I had you in my dreams,
The moment I fall asleep.

The time has come,
We are back in action,
Let us prove ourselves,
That love and fate brings joy.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Morning Sunshine

The stars disappear,
Beneath the dark skies,
As dawn start to prepare,
The dark received the light.

The sun shines,
With bright smiles,
Outburst its golden rays,
To brighten those lives on stray.

The morning sun,
Extract the moisture out,
Making morning dews on leaves,
Evaporating them to fresh scent of air.

The scent of morning,
The scent of freshness,
The warmth from above,
The morning sunshine on me.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Tough

Heavy head,
Spinning top,
Love from hate,
Never to stop.

Am all ears,
With no fear,
All these years,
With no tears.

Why now,
Not later,
Or earlier,
For that matter?

Nothing,
Too bad,
Not a thing,
Can be this bad.

Tried,
Not enough,
Sick and tired,
It's really tough.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Nowhere, Everywhere

I feel so free, with no ties.
I am nowhere, everywhere...
I felt so threatened, with no shelter.
He who protected me, decided to kill me.

I'm on the air, with no warranty.
If I never survive, then I will die.
I felt so cheated, but i am obligated.
He who could stop my tears, made me cry.

I cried in anger, with streaming tears.
You did not get it, and you never will.
Here I am, trying so hard without you caring.
And there you are, enjoying and having a blast.

Right here, nowhere.
I stood alone, with all my will.
Down there, where you are.
With many, that never stays.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Trying

The tenderness inside,
Left untouched unknown,
By the rock hard surface outside,
Judged by the very first impressions.

Sad is life,
Cruel is world,
I took out a knife,
And tried to cut it raw.

Blood everywhere,
Felt no pain no more,
Frustrated is the word,
Bleeding a lot as I fought.

This is too much,
Taking its toll on me,
The only defenseless soul,
With nothing to compete for.

A step more I take,
A journey to nowhere,
An indefinite destination,
A period of time I sacrifice.

For experience sake,
I shall look down and move,
For the constant good cash flow,
I shall keep the steps going on and on.

I can't hear,
So I listened,
I can't take it,
So I gave it more.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

A piece of my busy mind

A piece of emotion,
Locked away deep inside,
Nowhere shall it go free,
Nowhere it shall be seen.

The line of pleasure,
The line of fantasies,
The thin line of tolerance,
The leeway I've provided.

A spark that spread fire,
So innocent so bare yet so powerful.
The reasoning of your explanations,
Bear no mercy no more.

I want you to burn,
Yet I can't see your pain,
I want you to go away,
Yet I can't stand alone.

I want you stay,
Yet I refuse to accept.
I want you to go,
Yet I didn't let go of my grip.

Why O why,
I wonder with no end,
It's so difficult to be sure,
I need to move on with no regrets.

Please oh Lord,
Show me some sign,
Who will be your choice,
For me to share my life with?

Tell me great Lord,
For only you know,
The carefully chosen one,
Picked and made for me.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Love without trust

What is love,
Without any trust,
But with every doubt,
That you're not in his heart.

Where are you in his life,
When he never tells you anything,
What is it that he's hiding you asked,
But no answers, not even a clue from him.

What is happening?
Is there really a third person,
Between you and him in this love,
Or is it just the doubt in the absence of trust?

Will he be loyal and true?
While being apart for sometime?
Or will he find your replacement,
Where his heart holds a hole of loneliness?

Will you be able to stay true?
Telling him your every move?
Will you hang in there for his return,
Without any thought of any kind of failure?

What am I going to do,
If he found someone new?
What will become of me,
If I realised he's no longer mine?

What shall I do,
If I find him changed?
What am I to do,
If I am a different me?

Will he still be there,
Like I am still here for him?
Will there still be love without trust?
Or will this relationship without trust go bust?

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

I want to know

What are you hiding from me?
Do I not deserve to know what's wrong?
Why do you lie to me of things so simple?
One does not lose by telling the truth, you know.

What are you doing?
Not telling me what lies between us?
What is it that's so wrong amongst us?
Why are you not telling me a thing?

I can deal with it, I believe,
Tell me something, sweetheart,
I need to hear it from you,
Whom are you in love with?

Was it me a year ago?
Or is it me now at this moment?
Tell me the truth, honey.
Even if it is someone else.

I simply want to know.
Tell me the truth,
And let it die,
Resting in peace.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Positive purpose

It has been many days,
Those days that become weeks,
Those weeks that become months,
True enough months turned to years.

All these years,
What have I done,
So many paths and journeys,
I went through that all for a purpose.

This purpose of life,
Everchanging destinations,
The seasons of requirements,
The winter that become summer.

Those cold discouragement,
They never seemed too cold for me,
Those backs that turned against me,
I still remember the look on your face.

You questioned my dreams,
You ridiculed at my ambitions,
The forward movement of my life,
How can anyone stop me from moving on?

Life goes on,
I keep breathing,
New things to learn,
There's no stopping now.

Why look back,
When you can look forward?
Why stay there,
When you can move forward?

Question yourself today,
What have you done yesterday?
Did you move forward or did you stay?
Be positive, See the positive and think positive.

There's nothing you can't do,
Unless you didn't give it a try,
Even if you can't do it in the end,
At least you know that you've tried.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

I think

The peaceful thought,
The beautiful piece of art,
The thoughts in my mind,
Afloat among many others.

This thought stayed afloat,
Longer than i thought it would,
This thought is different I thought,
But it's just similarly just a thought.

Maybe that explains,
Why it's good to live by the day,
Because tomorrow will be like today,
The same old thing with a different approach.

These thoughts,
They became dreams,
These dreams,
They became part of me.

I think,
So I am,
I dream,
So I become.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Me and Life

Closed my eyes,
Breathe in the air,
Lifted my head high,
Set myself to soar again.

My head spinning,
Thoughts whirling,
My tired body aching,
Still my face keep smiling.

Answers slowly shows,
Blur clarity slowly clears,
Inferiority slowly deceases,
Insecurities slowly kills itself.

Questions got answers,
Equipped with explanations,
Confidence grows rapidly with time,
Positive slowly overweighs the negative.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My Dad

The man of the house,
The man who is respected,
The man of honour in my life,
The man whom I love all my life.

He is the best,
He is one life example,
The worst you may say,
But the best I will ever have.

The man who critics,
The man who compliment,
The man whom you may hate,
The man you'll just fall in love with.

He is one of a kind,
I am never prouder,
To say I have his genes,
To say I am his precious.

As bad as he can be,
He is the bestest Dad,
As much as I may have hated him,
I have grown to love him as much as he loves me.

He is my Dad,
I am his daughter,
We hate each other,
But the love stayed stronger.

I love you, Dad.
So much, I can't say enough.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Me Unknown

Silence!
I don't wanna hear a thing,
No explanation is required.
Just leave me alone unnoticed!

Leave me alone!
I hate it when you notice,
Let me rot to death unknown.
Let me be the non-existent human.

Go away!
Stop acting like you cared.
Nothing I am would affect you.
Stop this drama, it makes me sick.

Thank you!
For being there to witness my weakness,
For being there to see for yourself my non-existance,
For being there unaffected by my withdrawal from the social circle.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Who knows?

Why death after live,
Why emotions with no care,
Why thrive to survive,
Why decisions that's unfair?

Where's that white dove,
Flew away out my window pane,
What is it about true love,
Pleasure I desire with unbearable pain.

Secrets underlying secrets,
Truth that was never made known,
The truth that became a myth that never exists,
The underlying painful truth that I had made my own.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

A child in Me

An innocent child,
Who wants to smile,
Who wants to learn,
Who is always happy.

A stubborn child,
Who hates delays,
Who hates waiting,
Who is always grumpy.

I am just a child,
In this mature body,
Underneath this face,
Is simply a child hiding.

I am being a child,
Who wants to play,
Who wants to fit in,
Who needs pampering.

I know not why,
I know not how,
I know not what,
I know not who.

I am a child,
Teach me Sir,
Please guide me,
Teach me dear Sir.

Things I know not,
Things I need to know,
Things I want that I need not,
Things I need and I have not have.

Teach me Sir,
How to love me,
When others mock me,
Teach me to be strong Sir.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My Own Enemy

I am my own enemy,
I hated myself more today,
So much hatred in me just so many,
My negative emotions got spit out today.

The mix of disappointment,
The massive anger and hatred,
Why me, Where did I go wrong?
What did I do to deserve all this?

This unfairness I felt,
Am I just the only one?
Am I the one simply to be left?
All alone facing this cruel world.

I am my own enemy today,
I've never hated myself this much,
I hate the reflection I see in the mirror,
I hate the voice of objections buzzing my ear.

I hate the way I turned out,
I hate the way people treat me,
I hate the way the world reach out,
I hate the way my heart breaks at me.

I should stop this hatred,
All these critics don't help,
I need to pull myself together,
Stop being my own enemy altogether.

I need more will,
More inner strength,
All the more to face this,
Face my own enemy now.

All the races I run,
I am tired of all these,
All these competitions,
Where nobody really wins.

I am my own enemy,
I'm making myself lose,
To this battle so hard to fight,
Tried my whole life not to give up.

Why does my body go weak,
Why now when I'm almost there?
Where's the strength I used to have?
Where's the spirit that had kept me alive?

I'm finding myself,
The one that I love,
Help me find myself,
I needed her so much.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My babe

Lots of worries,
In my messy head,
But I try to worry not,
As I've got you babe.

The only one,
Whom I can talk,
Whom I can cry,
Whom I can rely.

Your assurance,
Your caring touch,
You know just when,
You know me so well.

I love you babe,
And I'm glad we met,
Just so I have got you,
And you have got me!

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Obligation

Obligation,
Why it exists
Makes decisions hard,
Left my life so guity to live.

Who say's it's easy
In the first place?
Have been hard,
And will always be.

Why give me hope
To bring me despair,
Why make me jump,
To only see me fall?

You're nice to me,
So let's just be it.
Why am I obligated
To all that you've done?

I never did mention
That I'd do some returns,
I never did felt that way;
I never felt that I owe you.

Yet I'm still obligated,
To your extreme kindness,
That I definitely appreciate,
But I still owe you no favour.

For your love,
I'd return love,
For your kindness,
I'll remember you all my life.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Mayhem of my own

It's a mayhem,
Stuck in a mess,
Everything is a blur,
I could only murmur.

I am punk'd,
I am busted,
Who did this to who?
Was it me or was it you?

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

By my side always

You stood by my side,
Never thought of leaving,
You held my hand so tight,
And never did gave up on me.

I did some bad things,
But you said it is okay,
I might have disappointed you,
But you said I've never done that.

You gave me advices,
Great ones indeed,
You insist to help me,
I'm so indebt to you.

I stood helpless,
You're still there,
Stood loyal by my side,
Always and forever.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Let me go

Lonely but leave me alone,
Leave me alone on my own,
Let's go our separate ways,
Let's give us some space.

I demand for space,
Yet I'm lost like an ace,
In this open field losing,
Losing no more I've lost!

I've lost indeed,
Know not where I am,
Know not where to go,
I've lost this battle of love.

I need you,
I want you,
I love you,
But have you not.

Let me go,
Let me die,
Let me leave,
This world alone.

Don't wanna pull you along,
Don't wanna waste your time,
It's getting harder,
I keep falling.

I keep flying to the top,
To simply find myself fall,
Where is this heading to?
I have no idea what to do.

Life has been hard,
Maybe I need time,
Time to reflect,
To be left alone.

I love you,
But I have you not,
I can't last a lifetime,
It just seems so long.

What's going on here?
Tears keep flowing,
I can't hold them back,
And I don't know why.

Why these tears?
Why these thoughts?
Why am I feeling down?
Why must life be so hard?

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Stranded

Here I am,
All stranded,
In the open road,
Exposed to everyone.

Here I am,
Major headache,
Naked to the world,
Wondering why it's me.

Here I am,
Dumbfounded,
No words from me,
Just blank stares to you.

Here I am,
All stranded,
Once again I am,
Found at a dead end.

Here I am,
No escape,
One time more,
I am alive from the dead.

Here I am,
In a graveyard,
Full of endless worries,
And the long list of problems.

Here I am,
Still standing,
Completely clueless,
That the world in unfair.

Here I am,
Staring at you,
As blankly as I can,
Making out what's best.

Here I am,
With decisions,
To move forward,
And never look back.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Relationship issues

Sometime I wonder,
And want you to ponder,
Why relationship issues can,
Be too sensitive to be raised,
To be talked about.

One wants to own the other,
One wants to meet another,
One hesitates to tell the other,
And the other gets jealous,
Who's to be blamed now?

The other can't catched up,
With another otherwise said to flirt,
Yet one can still meet up with another,
Able and free to party together as 'friends',
And the other is not to get jealous for trust sake.

What is going on here?
Male still dominates the world?
That they can do what they want,
And the other can't or they would be labelled?
Are you saying that the other has no sense of control?

It's a small world, gentlemen!
You wouldn't want to add another foe,
What's wrong with saying hi and a warm hug?
Probably there's more to just catching up with another,
Thus the accusation to the other when she meets up with friends.

Trust your woman,
And she'll trust you,
Quit playing games with her,
Tell her just what you feel and want,
Stop leading her deeper in love if you're not in love.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Your love for me

We are all born naked,
Unknown to us what awaits us,
In this huge world that welcomes,
Where time never wait for anyone.

In this huge world,
Where love starts to grow,
From the first sight to the heart,
Where true love begins to flow.

The first sign of great love,
Is to have conquered the worst,
We walked through the path full of thorns,
Together we will reach the heavenly destination.

The path full of thorns,
The journey so worth while,
We learnt about one another,
More than anyone would have guessed.

Learning about one another,
Is the greatest thing of all,
To know the one inside you,
To find myself within your soul.

The one inside you,
Is the one I've been looking for,
The one who can take care of me,
Full of respect and love for the rest of my life.

You took care of me,
With all the love you have,
That nothing I can do to repay,
Except to love and cherish every moment we have.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Uncertainty

It's too deafening,
You can't hear them speak,
You can't find their voice no more,
But you can still see their lips move.

It's getting blur now,
You can't quite see them,
You can't make out the words,
What are they trying to tell you?

You wish you could hold them close,
But fate doesn't seem to be with you,
There's always something in between,
That made your meetings slimmer by chance.

You couldn't hear their messages,
You couldn't see the opportunities,
You couldn't make out what's wrong,
Maybe it's a sign for you to change the norm.

These uncertainty is getting to you,
Making you less confident by the day,
Making you more handicap by your ability,
Your strength has became your worse weakness.

You've still got me,
You've still got my love,
You've still got my support,
You've still got my shoulder to cry on.

Don't let these uncertainty,
Ever discourage you in any way,
Be strong, stay tough, you'll be okay,
You can surely make it the way you want it!

I'll always be there for you,
Not financially, I can't afford that,
But I have all the support you need,
I can be there for you to blabber it all out.

I can be there,
When you need me to,
I can be your back to lean onto,
I'll be there for you to blabber it out.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Thoughts

My little thinking tool,
Bursting with crazy ideas,
Thoughts of witty creativity,
To add on to my future dreams.

My tiny little brain,
So many things in you,
Always thinking of something,
You've been working real hard.

My great mind in the skull,
You truly deserve a big break,
All week you've got things to think,
Day in and day out you tried your best.

I'm proud of how you survived,
In this cruel world we both live in,
Those rocky and rough paths we took,
Never thought we would make it this far.

Here we are strong and tough,
Still alive thinking and moving on,
You took a different way of thinking,
Those thoughts running through my mind.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Leave me Alone

Parents arguing,
Mom screaming,
The alarm going off,
My mind switched off.

I refuse to get up,
I refuse to wake up,
I don't feel like breathing,
I don't feel like being alive.

I wanna sink into my bed,
Adrift along with my dreams,
I don't wanna exist in this world,
Afloat together with lost dead souls.

Leave me alone,
Quit caring for me,
Stop saying hi to me,
Don't drop me anything.

Leave me alone,
I don't feel like moving,
I don't feel like listening,
I don't feel like speaking.

These family issues bullshit,
I've had enough of everything,
I've got enough things on my mind,
My mind just simply switch itself off.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Make me dance

The steps I want to master,
The movements I want to make,
The pressure I can't undertake,
I just want to dance to my heart.

The music ever so melodious,
The moment to show my move,
I can't just let go this oppurtunity,
This chance I have to dance with you.

I want to stay,
Please let me dance,
Make my body sway,
To the rhythm of jive.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's day,
Just like any other day,
But a little over-rated in a way.

The price of the roses,
Hike up to thrice the price,
Might just as well save up the cash.

Why waste so much,
When all you need is a smooch,
And some sexy attraction and attention?

I'd be happy with just a hug,
Or maybe a nice massage and a card,
Or maybe just a nice treat for some drinks?

I'd be contented with you,
Even if it's just a stay at home,
Watching all the movies on DVD.

The main thing is that I love you,
And you love me with all your heart,
And that you stay loyal and faithful by my side.

Happy Valentine's Day,
My honey bunny sugar plum,
You're my one and only that I have.

Love you loads!!
-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Life moves on...

The flame bursting,
Burning my bare skin,
Feeling the pain in silence,
I can't budge out this torture.

The rain is coming,
I have to prepare myself,
To bare these burnt wounds,
To let the raindrops pierce through.

I can't stop the pain,
I have to face it to stop it,
I have to feel the pain myself,
To remind me that I'm still alive.

Those critics you spit at me,
Those words you said to me,
Like spears that cuts my heart,
Like acidic poison that ruin my art.

These torture is a waste of time,
Words may hurt but it can never kill,
My heart never stops beating,
My life moves on...

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Confused

Close my eyes,
And I see you,
Put me to sleep,
And I dream of us.

You are the light,
That brighten my way,
When I'm in my darkest hour,
When everyone else hide in fear.

Beat me up,
I'd be wounded,
But I'd stay strong,
With a smile on my face.

You washed the dirt on me,
You clothed my naked body,
You fed my hungry stomach,
You companied my lonely soul.

Leave me,
I would cry,
But I won't die,
I will have to move on....

I will start anew,
Fresh from scratch,
Maybe I'll be better,
Or maybe you'd come back....

But please don't leave me,
I might not be able to survive,
I still need you to guide me through,
Please don't walk away from me....

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Deep thoughts

I held his hand,
Close to my heart,
Looking into his eyes,
Trying to reach his soul.

Will I still have you,
Next to me this close?
Will you still be there,
Standing by me no matter happens?

I can't find the answers,
Who am I to demand for answers?
Nothing is for sure, guaranteed or reserved,
So why am I assuring everything will be alright?

Time has changed,
So does things and people,
They all change for a reason or two,
Could be anything from past to future.

Who knows for sure?
Maybe I might be gone for good?
Maybe my life would be taken by God?
Maybe someone I held dear leave me soon?

Too many things in my mind,
Makes me fall so deep into thoughts,
My brain worked a little too hard today,
Maybe it's time to let things rest on its own.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Moneyful Life

Money is not everything,
Yet it plays a crucial role in life,
Every decisions require some expences,
Digging into a hole in the pocket everytime.

Life would be heaven,
If you have what you need,
And to have that you need money,
How painful can that fact be?

Money is what everyone need,
The rich gets greedy and wants more,
The poor needs that money for basic needs,
And I want money to pay all my debts.

Hurtful truth kills,
The rich gets richer,
The poor gets poorer,
Money simply is the key.

Maybe money is everything,
With loads of them to throw,
To get people to do it your way,
To win the hearts of people you like.

Ponder upon this,
Rich people get respected,
They received special services,
They get offered a special discount.

Whilst the poor,
They starve to death,
They stray on the streets,
No one wants to near them.

The poor starve,
The rich throw a feast,
The poor stray homeless,
The rich enjoy their luxurious home.

Don't you see?
How unfair life can be?
One family struggles to live,
While another take it for granted.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My Niece, Siti Marfu'ah

My wonderful niece,
So full of sweet smiles,
So alive with stories to tell,
About school life and everything else.

A perfectionist,
Full of ambitions,
Desires to be the best,
And achieve the biggest.

The memories,
Of my role in her life,
My love for her grows,
As I watched her grow.

My greatest niece,
Is turning ten today!
This precious treasure,
The joy you brought me.

I will protect you,
I will stand by you,
I will be there for you,
I will shower you with love.

She is my niece,
A beautiful girl indeed,
A cute little baby ten years back,
I still see you as the little cute baby.

I love you sweetie pie,
You're always in my mind,
I would give you the sky full of stars,
If only I could I would make you one.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts
-Specially dedicated to Siti Marfu'ah Samsul

Take My Hand

You kissed me goodnight,
You hugged me ever so tight,
You whispered your love for me,
You hold me dear with tender love.

Your tender lips kissing mine,
Your body pressed against mine,
Your arms wrapped around me,
Your love spreading inside me.

I can't wait to bear you a child,
A child of our own flesh and blood,
I can't wait for the child to call you dad,
And see your face so full of pride.

The future I have in mind,
Is the one you had for thought,
I believe you are meant for me,
I believe we are a perfect match.

Will you take my hand,
To walk and move on?
Will you hold my hand,
To explore this world?

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

A game

The empire whistle,
The captains meet,
Rules and regulations laid,
Flip the coin to see who starts.

She will run to join the team,
Catch up with what she missed,
Recite what the empire's message,
Cheered the team loud and clear as one.

The game starts,
We start the battle,
We put on a fight together,
Together with heads held high.

The whistle was blown,
It's half time already,
We drank plenty of water,
Awaits time to recover.

Should we lose,
We will do fighting,
Should we win,
We will with pride.

It's time to resume,
The game starts all over,
We put in all efforts and energy,
But the truth stings like poison.

We lost the faith,
To carry on the fight,
A mistake we shouldn't,
But we learnt them hard.

I kept on trying,
I became persistent,
Hesitant no more,
I was pushing my limit.

We were about to catch up,
We were about to get even,
But the whistle indicates the end,
Maybe not our day today maybe tomorrow.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

The Spirit

I am losing my game of sport,
I am losing the battle I fought,
I can smell my victory at my lowest,
And I will for I could put on my very best.

I stepped out full of pride,
My heart filled with smiles,
Spirits lifted high in the air,
We had fun though life's not fair.

We put on our gear,
We cheered our team,
And get over all our fear,
To get up all set to get mean.

The atmosphere,
The opponents all set,
The spectators looking on,
And us trying to fit in.

We are babies,
But we didn't cry,
Instead we gathered strength,
We put a tough fight and stay strong.

That's the spirit,
So here's the spirit,
We will keep fighting,
And we will always carry on.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My Efforts

I tried so hard,
So hard it hurts,
But it didn't matter,
They never could get it.

I am still nobody,
No one knows my name,
My efforts remain unseen,
They are blinded by sweet talks.

Sweet talks that poisons,
They are never genuine,
She do it for the sake of it,
Never out of her willingness.

Her immaturity is her excuse,
I kept my temper and get accused,
The truth is I had enough of this sh!t,
But no one knows for I kept in silence.

This silence no more,
I have to let this out,
The silence killing me,
I can't hold any longer.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

Good Morning

Good Morning sweetheart,
You greeted me with a big smile,
The sweetest smile I can ever see,
My heart smiled as you kissed me.

I slept in your arms,
Felt so warm and safe,
Breathing in you breath,
Taking in what you took in.

I woke up to admire you,
You looked like an angel to me,
I admired your closed eyes,
Your nose and everything else.

I ran my fingers
Through your features,
I touched your lips
It moved to kiss mine.

I knew you are the one,
The first time I saw you,
You are different I just knew,
Tell me do you feel the same?

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My Mr

He called,
And we talked,
Then we walked,
And we had to stop.

His brown eyes,
Made me melt like ice,
Everything seemed so nice,
When his eyes look deep into mine.

His arms around me,
The warmth sent to me,
Felt so right so perfect for me,
I wanted to take him away with me.

My heart throbbing,
My lungs screaming,
Don't stop keep this going,
I want more to keep coming.

My heart skip a beat,
The spark turn to flame,
His presence rooted my feet,
Standing there sharing his fame.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts

My love story...

The wind blowing my face,
The dust swept up and out,
You have left without a trace,
Yet memories never stayed out.

Everything happen for a reason,
Say you never meant to hurt me,
Told me you will always be there,
But you never really mean everything.

You lied and brainwashed me,
You lead me to hate my parents,
You took away my family who love me,
You are nothing and vent on my everything.

You are no more in my life,
I have found someone new,
Who is worth my sacrifice,
Unlike you who took me for granted.

You said I am cruel,
That I never appreciate you,
You said I can never be a step higher,
That I should always let you be better.

You made me cry,
You beat me so bad,
I keep giving in for you,
I thought this could work out fine.

But I was wrong,
My mind has warned,
But I didnt take it to mind,
For I thought it could be wrong.

Thank god,
I've found my way,
I've not lost my family,
I still have them with me.

I have found someone new,
Indeed it was quickly after you,
But he guided me to stand for myself,
That I can be the best any woman can ever be.

He told me I can do it,
He told me my parents love me,
He told me I am loved by many,
He made me smile and forget my sorrows.

He helped me through things,
He volunteered help without being asked,
He showered me with love and many advice,
He said he will never take me for granted ever.

I trust this man,
I have fallen in love,
I start anew with my man,
My man who helped me up when I fall.

He told me what's best,
He encourage me to let go the bad,
He assured me that I can surely do it,
He kiss my pain away with his promises.

I hope this is the one,
The one will care for me,
The one who is made for me,
The one that I'll be with forever in joy.

-A piece of Junaidah's thoughts